This thing is really simple, you just click on the colors that you find most appealing and it comes up with a presonality assessment. (www.colorquiz.com)I find it mostly on target except for the part about me wanting to be free and unhampered (I associate that with a distaste for exclusive relationships, which I REALLY LIKE now that I'm in one!), that I don't feel properly understood or adequately appreciated(totally not true), and that close relationships leave me without any sense of emotional involvement (again, couldn't be further from the truth, I have almost too much of a sense of emotional involvement in all my close relationships). Otherwise, pretty on top of it. My sister and I are the queens of avoiding conflict! I bolded the parts that are especially true.

Beth's Existing Situation
Easily affected by her environment and readily moved by the emotions of others. Seeks congenial relationships and an occupation which will promote them.


Beth's Stress Sources
Wants to overcome a feeling of emptiness and to bridge the gap which she feels separates herself from others. Anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to explore all its possibilities, and to live it to the fullest. She therefore resents any restriction or limitation being imposed on her and insists on being free and unhampered. (Again, that part, NOT true.)


Beth's Restrained Characteristics
Believes that she is not receiving her share--that she is neither properly understood nor adequately appreciated. Feels that she is being compelled to conform, and close relationships leave her without any sense of emotional involvement.
Willing to become emotionally involved and able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity, but tries to avoid conflict.




Beth's Desired Objective
Takes easily and quickly to anything which provides stimulation. Preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting nature, whether erotically stimulating or otherwise. Wants to be regarded as an exciting and interesting personality with an altogether charming and impressive influence on others. Uses tactics cleverly so as to avoid endangering her chances of success or undermined others' confidence in herself.


Beth's Actual Problem
Seeks to avoid criticism(boy, oh, boy is that ever true!) and to prevent restriction of her freedom to act, and to decide for herself by the exercise of great personal charm in her dealings with others.


Beth's Actual Problem #2
Has a fear that she might be prevented from achieving the things she wants. This leads her to employ great personal charm in her dealings with others, hoping that this will make it easier for her to reach her objectives.

Ok, so I was checking my e-mail and on the homepage of my webmail thing it has news stories that flick by. I read one headline, and it took me back to my 9th grade bathroom humor giggly days....

"New blue and red rings found around Uranus"

Hmmm, if you've got blue and red rings around yer anus, I think you need to get that checked out. Too much kinky stuff not good for you.

HA!!! That made my day!

Happy Valentine's Day! I've never made much of a big deal of it personally, but as an elementary school teacher you have to "throw a party". Basically, get the kids jacked up on Hi-C, candy, and cupcakes and send them home. I did get several Valentines. Some were really cute, especially the ones drawn on notebook paper. The kids who didn't bring store bought Valentines made me one, which was really sweet. I got the kids Madagascar valentines that came with little tattoos, I kept a couple of the penguin ones, 'cuz that's me. The kids were of course wild all day because they could just smell the candy-fest coming at the end of the day, so there were a lot sitting out for 5 minutes at recess.
This morning, there were a LOT of boyfriends/husbands/fiances at school. Some just came by, with what I don't know... didn't see any flowers. I did see one husband who stayed in his wife's class all day which is sweet in one way and in another it's like, why?
Now, I'm used to being all cynical and pissy about Valentine's Day because I've never been with anyone on Valentine's before, but I have to admit that I totally buy into it now. Well, ok, I always bought into it. I've always said that I'm a sucker for marketing and Valentine's is definitely marketed to death. I think the reason I've always been so cynical about Valentine's is that I totally bought into it.
But anyway, Happy Tuesday!

Isn't this the coolest looking scarf? It's a wool/cotton blend from Jo-Ann's Fabrics and it's really soft and fuzzy. I spent all weekend working on this instead of grading papers.... I didn't have too many left to do anyway.
I just think it's the coolest thing ever that I can start out with a ball of string and a couple of sticks and end up with an intricate pattern like this. I had to unknit about 5 rows because I was short a stitch... probably left out a yarnover or something. It drives me nuts when that happens. No one would ever be able to notice the mistake, but it would drive me batty.
I'm generally very lackadaisical, but I'm a perfectionist when it comes to my knitting. I'll redo something until it's perfect or just rip it out and start over. Tinking back or not, this scarf is the most fun to knit! I find that when I'm at work or away from my yarn I can't wait to get home and work on it. It's just so neat to see the pattern build as I go. This knitting thing never ceases to amaze me!

This was my kitty, Pud. It's been a few weeks since Mom and Dad had to put her to sleep, but I can write about it now. Pud originally belonged to my sister. She brought the kitty with her when she moved back home for a couple years. When Sue moved away, she couldn't have a cat at her first apartment, so we got to keep her and I appointed myself Pud's Mama. I remember being so sad that Pud was going to move with Susan, and I was really glad that we got to keep her. Susan says that Pud was never sweetness and light, but to me, she was. Don't get me wrong, she was never a cuddly kitty and she was known to hiss at her people and literally bite the hand that fed her. But she wasn't a mean kitty. I just didn't really know her boundaries when I was younger. She didn't scratch me as much when I was older and could read her signals. I never cared when she did. The scratches on my arms were love marks to me.
I hated having to leave her when I went off to college. I almost missed Pud more than I missed Mom and Dad. I remember the first time I came home from college, I went in the back yard looking for her. I bent over to tie my shoe and Pud walked up. She was so excited to see me that she jumped up on my back and rubbed her little face in my hair and purred. She loved hair.
A few years ago, when I was living in Louisa, we had a cancer scare with her. The feline leukemia shot has been known to cause cancer in a few cases. Pud had this egg sized lump on her little hip. We took her to the doctor, and he was pretty sure that it was the cancer. He said that it could either grow quickly or be really slow, but that if the lump got smaller or went away then it wasn't the cancer. I was distraught. I told the people in my prayer group at church about her and when I came home, which I did every weekend, I would feel the lump to see if it was smaller and I just prayed and prayed "Please don't take my kitty." The lump went away and I had my kitty for another 5 years.
I have another cat now, Night Ranger. It was a lot for me to get another cat because I used to think that if I got another cat I'd be cheating on Pud. But if I didn't have Ranger, I'd be in a mental institution right now. I loved that kitty more than life itself. Mom said that she probably misses Pud more than Sue and I because Mom was there with her every day. I heartily disagree. We all miss her in different ways. Mom was her Lady, but I was her Mama.

Ok, it's been quite a while since I've posted, but I do have news. Things have been busy. Teachers, of whom I am one, go back to school on Wednesday and I went to school this week on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday to start getting stuff ready. I plan to go on Monday and Tuesday this week as well. Monday might not work out, depending on when Mom and I are able to work out to go shopping, but I should be able to get a head start on my room.
Speaking of my room, I am SO EXCITED because I am back in my old room and back in my old grade!! I DON'T HAVE TO TEACH FIRST GRADE!!!!!!!!!! Enrollment in third grade "exploded," as my principal, Mrs. Brown put it, and since I know the curriculum and the other three third grade teachers and I, especially Amy and I, have a good working relationship, they put me back in third grade! Now we are so happy, we do the dance of joy! The only thing is that Amy is on vacation at Myrtle Beach so I can't tell her yet. She's going to be very excited as well, I can't wait to tell her! She'd been doing some digging for me, trying to find out if they were going to put me back and kind of putting a bug in their ear about them (them the 3rd grade team) wanting me back.
I also feel a little more relaxed about this year. Things sounded very, not exactly grim but very unhappy, at the end of the school year. I'm still taking things very seriously but Mrs. Brown was very pleasant and kind in our conference about the start of the year. She expressed her concerns and expectations, but also expressed that she and Mrs. Jackson (the Reading Specialist) are here to help. However, while she expressed her desire to help, she also made clear that I need to do things in my own style and not depend so much on Amy. It's not really that I depended on Amy to tell me what to do, but in my desire to do a good job I pretty much tried to copy everything she did. Mrs. Brown said that I don't have to look like everyone else. We work together as a team, but each do different things and do things differently. Which was good for me to hear. I think sometimes I'm not sure of my own abilities so I'll look at someone who is successful and try to parrot what they're doing.
Anyway, life is beautiful! I already have some great ideas for some of the units that we do. Third grade does Ancient Greece and Ancient Rome. With this being an Olympic year, that opens up a lot of neat things we can do with the Greece unit! I feel a lot less apprehensive about measuring up this year. I was totally unfamiliar with the first grade curriculum and also clueless about first grade children. I was really worried about either expecting too much out of them or overcompensating and not expecting enough. But I've gotten to know the third grade child pretty well and drawing on successes and mistakes of last year I think I'll get it pretty well.
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades!

Ok, this is a rant/review of last night's TV. If you don't watch Rock Star:INXS, most of this will mean absolutely nothing to you. I am, at the moment, heavily into CBS's Rock Star:INXS. First of all, let me say that I do enjoy the show for the musical performances, but I also believe that Michael Hutchence (who was the King of Sex)is rolling in his grave. I mean, his bandmates are picking his replacement on reality TV for Pete's sake! So, in short, the show is fun to watch, good entertainment, but I do not approve of the premise.

Anyway, I was so hoping that Tara would be in the bottom three again this week and get sent home. I can't stand her, she is so ugly! (Yes, I am very catty with famous people. Very nonjudgemental in life, but if you're on TV or the radio I will pick you apart until there's nothing left!) Like, I can't really explain it, but I just hate the way she does her mouth when she sings. And she looks old. I don't think anyone on the show (the contestants, that is) is much over 30, but she looks like she's pushing 40. And she's not very good, either.

So, the bottom three was Daphna (agree), Heather (agree), and Jessica (not agree). Daphna sang Rock the Casbah, and came out in a white ball gown with black leather elbow length gloves. I was like, "What the FUCK?!?!" And, as Jon Farriss said, she "totally murdered" it! It effing sucked. Heather mutilated Sheryl Crow's If It Makes You Happy. She did it all mellow, and that is a rock song where you can scream a little bit in the chorus. She was all, "Oh I'm sick" but she just sucked. I thought Jessica did alright, thought the asshole JD should have been in the bottom three. Like, INXS told him to be less cocky and so he sings We Are the Champions and on top of that he so fucking SUCKED at it. I also thought it was funny that he strongarmed Jordis into letting him have the song. He got the song, started practicing it and realized that those high notes are really high to hit, and then tries to bully Jordis into switching songs. What an ass!!

Anyway, INXS shocked everybody by sending two people home. I totally agreed that they both sucked, but I was thinking they'd give Daphna a second try since in the first two weeks they all had such hard-ons for her. I was so hoping that Tara would be in the bottom three, she should have been sent home. Maybe she'll suck again next week!

God bless antidepressants! I used to be on Prozac, but I stopped taking it in like mid February/early March roundabouts. I'd been feeling better than I had in a long time since I moved here.

Anyway, I reasoned that if I started to freak out, I'd just start taking them again and know to give myself 2 weeks to "get back to where I once belonged" (God also bless The Beatles). Well, I still felt all shiny and happy, so I figured, "Great! One less drug, $15 less to spend a month!" I figured I was all better since I wasn't having the depression symptoms anymore. The blues were gone.

Well, the antidepressants don't just help with the general sadness and melancholy that most people associate with depression. They also help with stress managment and, at least for me. it helps with motivation to move my ass and get shit done that needs to be done. Simple stuff that most people don't even think about, like actually putting the dishes in the dishwasher after I use them instead of letting the sink fill up and I run out of clean forks before I run the dishwasher. And when I did laundry yesterday, I sorted and hung up/folded everything and actually PUT IT AWAY!!!!

Anyway, what prompted my finally going back on the antidepressants was my evaluation at the end of the school year. Mrs. Brown (the principal) said that I started the year off running, I was organized, discipline was good, and instruction was good. But, around January/February thereabouts my performance started to go downhill and the room got messier and discipline began to be a problem whereas in September all the kids were behaving and I was dealing appropriately with the few who didn't. Mrs. Brown also said that if the year had started out differently, the results may not have been the same. Translation: If my performance had been as shitty in September as it had gotten by Jan./Feb., I might not have been offered a contract. That really sobered my ass up. Not that I was glib, but I don't think I'd realized how serious things had gotten or how displeased Mrs. Brown was. I was talking to Amy and she mentioned, or asked really, wasn't that around the time I went off the antidepressants. Yes, Amy, yes it was. At the time, I had never even thought that me going off the Prozac might have had any affect on my job. Sue and Mom both say they mentioned that point, but I wasn't ready to hear it. And sometimes your friends can tell you things that your family can't.
Anyway, now I'm back on antidepressants and while my mood hasn't changed, it was good to start with, I have become more motivated and I do stuff like a normal person (cleaning as I go, and not letting work pile up), which makes me feel good. I guess I had to discover all this for myself so I would know for myself what the antidepressants do. Sometimes you just have to learn things the hard way.

So, yeah, Tom Cruise, who I used to LURRRRV (circa Jerry Maguire era) can kiss my fat dimpled ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!! He's an idiot and so are all his fellow cult members. You know, if homeboy had some Ritalin, he probably wouldn't have made such an ass of himself on Oprah! Social skills Tom, social skills! Shit, he makes me look like an introvert!! I agree with Brooke Shields, Tom should stick to saving the world from aliens and leave psychiatry to the MDs. Who do know the history of psychiatry better than you or Ron Hubbard do, Tom!

To reiterate, Tom Cruise and Scientology are officially invited to kiss my wide white cellulite ass!!!

I love you, guys!! :)

Hey there! I know I said that I'd update a lot this summer, but I've been busier than I'd expected. I signed up for a lot of Staff Development courses during the summer and it works out to me having 1 or 2 every week. The first week in August, I've got one every day because there's one that meets over 3 days. I'm considering dropping that one, but it's on writing instruction which would be really helpful for me and also, we get paid a stipend for these classes. I'm not sure exactly how much, but it's somewhere between $20 and $30 per hour. Either way, not too shabby. But this week, I have two and next week I'll have 3 classes. There'll be a little extra in my paycheck at the end of August (the stipend shows up a month later, guess they have to be sure you showed up).
Also, I got a job tutoring at a teacher store near where I live. It doesn't pay a whole lot, my friend Beth F. who used to do it said that it amounts to about $16-$18 after taxes, but it's better than nothing. I'm only tutoring one 5th grade girl right now for one hour a week in Math and Reading. She's really weak. She doesn't know place value and she has trouble lining up decimals when adding and subtracting. The trouble lining up decimals is common, but I'm a little worried that she's just finished fifth grade and doesn't know place value past the hundreds place.
Well, I guess that's about it. I've been avoiding cleaning the house for a couple of weeks, so I need to get my arse moving.

I am having such a GREAT time on summer vacation!! Teaching is a great job for the eternal child in you because you get 2 weeks off at Christmas/New Year's and you get 12 weeks off at summer.
By most people's standards, I'm having a boring summer, but I love it! I can knit all day if I want to, or read all day, or watch TV all day, or sleep all day, but usually I hit it with a combination of all 4. I try to exercise every day, but that hasn't really happened. The only exercising I got done last week was what I wrote about on here. I did get some exercising in yesterday, but I don't think I'm going to be able to today. I've got to go to the Social Security Office and get a new card because I've lost mine and I need it to get a job tutoring at the teacher store in Colonial Heights. I also want to go to knitting group this evening at 5. Well, they say to shoot for 3 times a week at least, so I reckon I'm not too far off so far. I might try to squeeze in some Pilates later on.
But anyway, I'm working on this really neat blanket. You cast on for the length of the blanket, knitting it width wise instead of length wise, and you change yarn every row leaving long tails to be part of the fringe. It's called, "Design Your Own Throw." You pick the color scheme and the yarns. I'm doing it in a beige/brown color scheme. I hate to think about how much money I spent on the different yarns, but that's what addicts do. I ordered most of the yarn online and there are a lot of more ritzy fibers. Mohair, baby alpaca, there's a silk/rayon blend, a ribbon yarn that knits up like suede. Anyway, it's really pretty, even my mom said so.
So, I'm having loads of fun knitting. Knitting just makes me feel good. When I get tired of knitting the brown blanket, I pull out this basketweave baby blanket I've been working on, and if I get tired of that I read.
So much fun being lazy!!!

Hey, look at the time, I'm up early for a summer day! I was going to try to sleep until until 9:00, but it just wasn't happening today. I need to be at Beth F.'s house by 10:00. Beth's getting her hair cut today and she needs someone to help with the baby. So yay! I'm going to Beth's for the express purpose of holding Seth (the baby) all day! I'm not going to argue with that.
the baby was 4 weeks old at 1:10 AM today. Technically, he's not a month old because his birthday was May 27. But, he's been alive for 4 Fridays, so that's 4 weeks. He is the cutest thing ever! Beth and I are loving that it's summer and I get to be so available. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love babies, clarify -- other people's babies. Don't really thing I want any of my own, but we'll talk about that later.
Time for brek-tuss now!

Ok, so I did 1 mile of the 2 mile Walk Away the Pounds tape, since my 1 mile tape has disappeared after last summer's move. Then I finished the other 5 moves in the May Glamour workout. I played Sims for a while and then I did the 20 minute Winsor Pilates workout. Except, once again, I could only make it through half of it. Geez!!!! By the end of the summer, I want to be able to sail through an entire workout... Pilates, Glamour, or 2 mile walk!! I've done 3 workouts today and only made it through half of each one. So, I guess that means I've done 1 and 1/2 workouts, actually. And I've done laundry, so that's good.
*sigh* I guess something is better than nothing. I just want to get rid of the flab on my stomach and look good naked. Not that there are any complaints, but.... I just wish there was less of me. I'm slightly more concerned with losing inches than I am with pounds.
By the way, anyone know of any boob-shrinking workouts? I have GOT to get rid of these knockers! Not all of them, but a good chunk. I swear, puberty was a bitch!

Most of you know me as clayniac 76, but I've "outgrown" that name. New life, new livejournal. I'm now knitwit76.
Anyway, life has been excellent. I love my job (more on that in a minute), I love my apartment, I love my cat, I love my friends... there's a lot of love in the world.
Anyway, I found out on Monday that I'm probably going to be teaching first grade next year (I taught 3rd this year). At first I was all, "Aaaaaaaack!! Noooooooooooooo!!" but now I'm kind of used to it. One major thing they (the principal and assistant principal) brought up in my final evaluation (like a performance review for people with "normal" jobs) is that I need MORE CONFIDENCE in my abilities and what I have to offer. Both principals said that if they didn't think I had the ability and knowledge that they wouldn't have hired me and wouldn't have kept me on. Yes, I do have some weak spots that need to be taken care of, but I can do this job, or they wouldn't have even offered it to me. This confidence thing is something I've been working on since, oh, forever.
In other news, the last teacher workday was Monday, so summer is officially on. I'm trying to use my time wisely and eat better, since I have the time to prepare meals. I'm also starting to work out. I only really need to lose 15 pounds to get to the right BMI number (BMI=Body Mass Index). That surprised me, I thought I was way more overweight than that. Anyway, I did the workout in the May issue of Glamour. Glamour has this three month body shape up plan, and since this is the first I've had the time to keep up with it, I started with the May workout. I could only do half of it! Geez, do I need to get in shape!! I'm going to do the other half this afternoon. Hopefully, in four weeks I'll be able to handle the whole thing without getting tuckered out!
Anyway, I guess that's it for now. Expect regular posts through the summer!